We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
