My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
