Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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