You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
