she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize