you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
