dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
