i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
