Can i not drive my cunt home
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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