Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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