At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
