He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
