then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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