Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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