Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
