Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
