I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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