we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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