I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
