There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
someone owes me an orgasm
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
