i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
