God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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