Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize