Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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