I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
