12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
