I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
