I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
