you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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