Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
