I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
