Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
