So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
