the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
