This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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