I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
