Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize