Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
