Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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