remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
