I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
