It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
