Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
