I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
