hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
