I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
