She's JV to your varsity
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
