We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
