Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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