i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize