I will die if light touches me.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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