i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
