I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize