zippers are such a cool invention
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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