Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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