I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
