"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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