still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
