Please, let me fuck your mom
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
