Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
