If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
