You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
