Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
PANTIES FOUND
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