Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
