I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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