never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
