i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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