suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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