That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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