What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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