ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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