Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
